How To Write Emails That Dont Make People Secretly Hate You

Creative Boom: Tips Creative Industry How to write emails that don't make people secretly hate you You didn't mean it to sound like that. But it did. Whether it's a curt reply, an overly formal sign-off, or a "per my last email" that could turn milk sour, the way we write at work shapes how people feel about us – often without us realising. Here's how to communicate in writing with warmth, clarity, and zero passive aggression. Written By: Katy Cowan 9 March 2026 Image licensed via Adobe Stock We've all been on the receiving end of a weird email or comment. The kind that makes you wonder if the other person has ever interacted with another human being.

But here's the uncomfortable truth: we're probably all guilty of the same thing. It's easily done. A rushed reply, a clumsy choice of words, a tone that reads completely differently on screen than it did in your head. So how do you avoid coming across as passive-aggressive, cold – or just a bit of a douchebag? Why written communication goes wrong In person, communication is much easier. You have an arsenal of tools working in your favour, from your smile and tone of voice to the little laugh that softens a difficult message.

Strip all of that away and you're left with words on a screen, which have a remarkable ability to land badly even when your intentions were good. Research consistently shows that people overestimate how well their tone comes across in writing. Most of us assume the warmth we felt while typing is somehow embedded in the text. It isn't. The reader fills the gaps with their own mood and their own history with you – all topped off with whatever kind of day they're having. If any of those things are off, your perfectly reasonable message becomes Exhibit A in a case against your character.

The good news is that most bad written communication isn't malicious, it's just careless. And careless is fixable. The phrases to avoid We'll start by looking at the kind of seemingly nice phrases that make you come across passive-aggressive. I'm talking about the kind of phrases that have become so loaded they're basically impossible to use innocently anymore. You know the ones... "As per my last email" is the written equivalent of slowly turning to stare at someone. It says: I've already told you this (big sigh), and I am quietly furious that I have to say it all over again.

Even if that's exactly how you feel, putting it in writing is rarely a good idea. "Going forward" implies that whatever happened before was a problem that needs correcting. "Just checking in" can read as chasing without wanting to admit you're chasing. "Thanks in advance" removes the other person's choice and assumes compliance. "As I mentioned" is a polite way of saying you weren't listening. "Just adding my two cents..." signals false modesty. You're not adding two cents. You have opinions and you're about to share them at length. Even if the other person didn't ask for them. None of these are inherently evil. Context matters, of course.

But they're worth flagging internally before you hit send. Ask yourself: is there a warmer, more direct way to say the same thing? Usually, there is. What to say instead Thankfully, most of the above phrases have perfectly decent alternatives that say the same thing without causing offence. It's usually just a case of being a little more direct and human. Instead of "As per my last email", try: "Just wanted to resurface this in case it got buried." It acknowledges reality without any fury.

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While effective email communication is important, the topic is relatively common and lacks groundbreaking insights, but it remains relevant for brand strategy professionals seeking to improve interpersonal relationships.